The Most Effective Relationship Tool I’ve Ever Used
We’ve all experienced a key relationship that feels worn down, whether it’s a business partnership, friendship, or family connection.
In the short-term, this feeling often drains us of energy so the common response is distance, and move away from the negativity.
This usually leads to long-term damage as time passes and neither party reconnects.
When you finally reach the point of realisation, that life is too short, or the relationship is too valuable, it's time to look for solutions, which requires looking inwards as well as outwards.
I'm going to share a technique that has helped so many clients repair essential relationships, whether at work, home or in their community.
I've even used it myself with my partner and friends.
This exercise helps us look inward by looking outward. You'll see what I mean....
A Day In the Life
Let’s break down how this method works and how you can start using it today to smooth over conflicts and build more empathy.
1. Identify the Person
Think of someone with whom you’re currently having difficulties—maybe it’s a colleague or a family member. Visualise them clearly, as though they were standing right in front of you.
2. Walk Through Their Day
This is where the magic happens. Take a moment to mentally walk through a typical day in their life. What do they do? Who do they see? What are their responsibilities? Picture them getting ready for work, interacting with others, managing their tasks, or even navigating challenges in their personal life.
3. Ask the Right Questions
Dive deeper by asking:
• What type of person are they?
• What are they known for—are they always on the go, or more laid
back?
• What common phrases or expressions do they use?
When I first started my coaching practice and worked with a range of clients from different backgrounds, this exercise helped me appreciate the various pressures they were under. Understanding these dynamics allowed me to find common ground and facilitate more productive conversations.
4. Envision a Meeting
Imagine the two of you in a meeting. How are they sitting? What is their body language like? Hear their tone of voice and the way they interact with you. Now, take it a step further and ask:
• What are they hearing when I speak?
• What are they concerned about?
• What might they need, and why?
5. Shift Your Perspective
If done correctly, you’ll already start to see this person differently. Perhaps the friction between you wasn’t because of their stubbornness, but because of their current struggles.
Empathy isn’t about agreeing with someone; it’s about understanding where they’re coming from. The best part? You don’t have to be “right” about any of this. It’s the attempt to view things through their lens that begins to soften the edges of conflict.
Personal Experience: Applying Empathy in Business and Beyond
In my personal journey, this exercise has been pivotal. When I was scaling my first business across Europe and Australia, tensions often arose with clients, partners, and even team members. Miscommunication and stress were common in a high-pressure, remote, environment.
But whenever I applied the “A Day in the Life” technique, it shifted the way I approached these relationships and I showed up differently.
One particular instance was with a colleague who always seemed to push back against my ideas. After doing this exercise, I realised their hesitation wasn’t personal and actually rooted in their own fear of change. They were worried about how these changes would impact their work and life.
Once I approached them with empathy, our conversations became smoother, and we were able to collaborate more effectively.
Why This Tool Works Across All Relationships
No matter the relationship, business partnership, romantic relationship, or friendship—this tool works.
The reason?
It encourages you to step outside of your own perspective and make room for someone else’s reality. It’s easy to become wrapped up in our own goals, frustrations, or needs, but relationships are always a two-way street.
In romantic relationships, for example, this exercise can reveal that the underlying issue isn’t a lack of love, but perhaps exhaustion or external stressors. In friendships, it might help you understand that your friend’s unresponsiveness isn’t due to disinterest, but because they’re dealing with personal challenges you weren’t aware of.
Key Takeaway: Empathy Over Compromise
What makes the “A Day in the Life” exercise so effective is that it doesn’t require you to compromise or give up your own stance. Instead, it builds empathy. When both parties in a relationship can approach each other with more open-mindedness and understanding, the conversation shifts. Solutions become easier to find, and conflicts are more likely to be resolved.
Give it a try. You might surprise yourself.
Stefano